Who Becomes A Carer?
You can become a carer of someone who lives with you, lives nearby or lives far away. It often happens without you even noticing. Initially, perhaps a member of your family or a close friend is diagnosed with a serious illness and you are the only person in a position for caring for them. Maybe, you offer to give a lift for hospital appointments or to get shopping. As time goes by, instead of helping on the odd occasion, you discover that you become more of a personal assistant, caring for all areas of the person's life on a daily basis. Although this will still involve shopping and hospital appointments, it could also involve paying bills, arranging personal care, meals on wheels, house cleaning and pet care.
In some cases, probably with a member of your family, often an elderly one, it could involve toileting, bathing and feeding the person who is unwell. Caring is effectively helping another person do those tasks that they are no longer capable of, or never have been capable of, doing alone. As a result, the life of a carer often becomes severely restricted by a variety of caring responsibilities. These additional tasks can be difficult, unrewarding or time-consuming and frequently have a detrimental impact on the carer's health, social life and financial situation.
Caring For An Aging Population
Although caring for the needs of someone may be due to illness or disability, much caring is required due to an aging population. In recent years, there has been little change in the number of people reaching the age of 65 in the western world, but the number of those reaching 80 has soared. At the age of 80, one in five people show signs of dementia and there are a myriad of other illnesses and debilitating conditions that predominantly concern the elderly. As people get older and their health deteriorates, it is understandable that they will need increasing elderly care to be able to enjoy their lives and maintain their independence.
Having been autonomous throughout their adult years, caring for an elderly person requires sensitivity. Also, if you are involved in elderly care, it is quite likely to be a parent or relative who has been more used to looking after your welfare. This change in family relationships can be tricky and needs to be handled carefully to avoid conflict. The elderly person will probably want to make their own decisions to remain as self-reliant as possible until the end of their days. Often, given a little attention and an appropriately designed environment, their desires can be fulfilled; the elderly can continue to experience a good quality of life and be integrated into their community. But if you are their carer, organising the necessary services to achieve this goal will involve a lot of time and patience - with the outside organisations as well as with your relative. Elderly people often resent the help they need and caring for them can be especially difficult emotionally.
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More People Become Carers Every Year
Caring is a broad school and one that is rapidly growing in the United Kingdom. It is estimated that two million people become carers each year and that it will affect three in five of the population at some stage in their lives. Most people who become involved in the care of another, undertake the role through duty or affection without any expectation of being paid. Nevertheless, a recent report from the charity Carers UK estimates that in their unpaid role, carers save the State £87 billion annually and that without them, health and social service spending would double.
We are lucky in this country to have many organisations that can give guidance in helping us provide for another's well being. But it's a question of knowing where to go and to whom. Caring involves a tremendous number of different skills and is often a long term, arduous and frequently exasperating occupation.
I soon found out that wasn't the case. Dad went downhill rapidly and I found myself having to give 24 hr care. Lost all my freedom. Ironically I have cared for my disabled son for the past 21 years and he moved into a supported house 2 weeks before my dad had his stroke! I looks feet my grandson 3 afternoons a week too, but my dad was resenting that also. He became more and more demanding and ungrateful. Eventually after only 5 weeks I was at breaking point. I spoke to the district nurse, GP and social worker and somehow or other they managed to get my dad to agree to go to a nursing home. I couldn't believe it! My dad has always refused every type of help apart from mine.
So we moved him into the home and from Day1 he hated it. Stubborn wasn't the word. He went on hunger strike, refused to let the carers do anything for him and just cried every day when I visited . He called me awful names and was very nasty to me. I just didn't know what to do. We suffered it for 4 weeks, but the result of his self imposed regime is that he has improved immensely. There was only one solution. He moved back in with me, but this time I have carers coming every morning for his personal care and every other day for a lunch call, so I get some 'me time'. The agreement that he came back here was on condition that he goes into respite when my husband and I need a break, and I will stick to that. We have a life and a family besides dad and I need to spend time with them too.
I think you have to stand firm. It's tough at the best of times, but having time to yourself to look forward to, makes it a little easier.
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